The Cheating Husband or His Mistress — Who’s to Blame?

A woman holding an umbrella and her cheating husband in the background with his mistress.
A cheating husband is as much to blame as his mistress since he chose to break his vows.

Cheating is a conscious choice, it is NOT a mistake.

If there’s no such thing as accidental infidelity, who's really to blame in the case of a cheating husband?

Is it the husband? The one who took a vow to love and cherish his wife, but instead took a detour down infidelity lane.

Or is it the mistress? The seductress who is often blamed for the demise of many marriages and relationships.

It’s easy to get swept up in the drama and focus all the blame on the third party—the mistress. The unsuspecting homewrecker; the temptress who single-handedly destroyed a seemingly happy marriage.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way favoring anyone here. Cheating is a terrible thing and there’s no excuse for betraying someone’s trust.

But, shouldn’t the real villain be the one who made the vows and eventually broke them?

Society’s Double Standard Point of View

Why does the other woman seem to get most of the blame when there’s infidelity in a relationship?

Well, it’s probably because of the double standards of society. It seems to be more socially acceptable for a man to cheat than it is for a woman.

“Boys will be boys,” some would say. Others would try to justify men's infidelity by saying, "He's a man, it's in his nature." But is being a man really an excuse for cheating?

Men seem to get off easy. Society tends to forgive them quicker like it was just a mistake (I thought cheating isn’t a mistake?) or that it’s because they couldn’t help themselves.

On the other hand, society sees the mistress as a disgusting human being, a homewrecker not worthy of respect. The condemnation she receives is almost barbaric.

Again, I’m not trying to take sides. The mistress is to be blamed as well, but our double standards when it comes to who gets the blame is often unfair to women.

The Wife and the Mistress

Catching someone you love cheating is one of the most painful things to experience. The wife, who puts her trust in her husband, is the ultimate victim in this scenario.

Her trust is shattered, she’s left wondering what went wrong. She starts questioning her worth and even blames herself for what happened. And we can’t blame her if she lashes out at the other woman.

However, I also think that the wife should focus some, if not most, of the blame on her husband. The husband should at least take the brunt of her anger and condemnation.

Of course, the mistress should share the blame. But let’s be honest here, some are also just victims of the cheating husband. Some of these women might actually have no idea the men they’re flirting with are married.

What I want to say is that the mistress’ role can be more complicated than we think. Maybe she was lied to and convinced that the man was single.

Regardless of the circumstances, the blame often lands squarely on her shoulders, while the cheating husband gets off relatively scot-free.

Who IS to Blame?

The cheater, no doubt.

We can all agree that the wife is the one who suffers the most among the people involved in the infidelity. She’s the one left picking up the pieces of whatever is left of her married life. As such, she has all the right to be angry at the situation.

The mistress might be caught up in a lie simply looking for love, but if she knew he was married and continued to pursue him, then she deserves to share some of the blame.

But the real person who should take most of the blame? The cheater. He’s the one who took the vows, yet in the end he’s also the one who broke them. He’s the cause of the pain for everyone involved.

The blame game stops with him. Can a cheating husband really change?

Then again, it’s another story if the mistress was conniving with the cheating husband to hurt the wife. Bottom line is, there are no winners in the world of cheating—only losers.

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